My first baby was born by emergency C-Section at 36 weeks pregnancy. I had planned a lovely water birth and was having all of my ante-natal care done by midwives, so the c-section came as a bit of a shock.
After the birth I noticed that the fact I had a c-section attracted a lot of comments from friends and family. It was such a highly emotional time for me and the things people said could sting more than they usually would. Here’s a list of comments that I wished I didn’t have to hear –
ALL THAT MATTERS IS THE BABY IS SAFE
Of course the baby being safe matters, but by having the C-Section I put myself at higher risk for complications now and in the future and even at a higher risk of mortality. So no, it is not the only thing that matters.
WOW YOU’RE SO LUCKY YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH LABOR
I can tell you I felt the very opposite of lucky. I would have done anything to have gone through labor and would have welcomed every contraction with open arms (And to those of you thinking ‘she wouldn’t say that if she knew what labor was like’ – I have since then been through a 100% natural, unmedicated birth and this is the kind of birth I would choose again in a heartbeat).
OH WELL YOU CAN TRY FOR A NATURAL BIRTH NEXT TIME
Really duh, can I? Seriously I know that, but right now I need to feel sad that I didn’t get to have the natural birth I wanted this time.
AT LEAST YOUR VAGINA IS IN TACT
While technically this is true it’s pretty much the only part of that whole region that’s ok.
And the one that stung the most – YOU DIDN’T GIVE BIRTH
A family member said this to me not long after the birth and it nearly brought me to tears (okay, actually I went off into my room and cried my eyes out). My body was cut open and stitched back together again to bring my baby into the world. It might not have been the way I wanted it to be, but I most certainly gave birth.
Birth is one of the most emotional times of our lives, especially when things don’t go to plan. Finding kind words to say to a new Mama can really make her day!
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